This memoir, based on diary entries, is a frank, moving and at times humorous account of Matt Barwick's struggle with infertility, and diagnosis with bipolar disorder triggered by family suicide. At twenty-nine, still childless after a year of trying, Matt and his wife Ali realised that starting a family was not going to be the 'cinch' it appeared to be for most of their friends. The couple start a crash course in conception from a straight-talking fertility guruand the journey towards more serious medical intervention begins. Already feeling the strain of infertility and the recurring cycle of disappointment, Matt's world comes crashing down when he loses his only brother to suicide, resulting from depression that was largely hidden from the world.