In this propulsive memoir, an award-winning journalist blends history, science, and cultural criticism to uncover whether motherhood outside of society’s rigid rules and expectations is possible—and whether she fits the mold for what a mother should be.

“This tender, generous book does the hard work of redefining ‘motherhood’ and ‘family’ so that they honor all aspects of a woman’s life.”—Christie Tate, author of the New York Times bestseller Group

Ruthie Ackerman had long believed that the decision to not have children was a radical act. She’d grown up being told that she came from a long line of women who had abandoned their kids and feared she would pass on her half-brother’s rare genetic disorder. So when she marries a man who doesn’t want children, she hopes she can be happy without any. But a voice in her head keeps returning to the question: What if mothering can be a radical act too? When her marriage veers off course, she goes searching through the twists and turns of her DNA to decide once and for all whether she should become a mother.

By the time Ruthie finally determines that she desperately wants a child, she learns that motherhood won’t happen the way she thought it would. Now she must enter the hall of mirrors where biology, genetics, and philosophy collide as she wonders what it means to both create and nurture a life. What does inheritance really entail? What does it mean to be a “good” mother? When it comes down to it, how important is nature versus nurture? And where are the models for what a “good life” can look like for women, both with and without children?

Synthesizing reportage and memoir, The Mother Code unravels how we’ve come to understand the institution of motherhood. What emerges is a groundbreaking new vision for what it means to parent: a mother code that goes beyond our bloodlines and genetics and instead urges us to embrace inheritance as the legacy we want to leave behind for those we love.

"For so long, Ruthie Ackerman believed that the decision not to have children was a radical act. She'd grown up being told that she came from a long line of women who had abandoned their children. Plus, Ruthie feared she would pass on her half-brother's rare genetic disorder. Haunted by this generational inheritance, she goes searching in the twists and turns of her DNA to decide once and for all whether she should become a mother. When a geneticist leaves her at a dead end, she chooses to marry a man who doesn't want children-only to realize that, despite everything, she desperately does. When Ruthie's strained marriage ends, her quest for a new vision of motherhood begins. She eventually finds an image of radical motherhood where women have an opportunity to see their role not just as fulfilling but as powerful. This new mother code goes beyond children and focuses on actively working towards stronger communities and happier, less-stressed parents. But by the time Ruthie meets the right partner and is ready to have the baby she so desperately desires, she learns she can't use her own eggs. Now, Ruthie has to evolve this new mother code as she navigates the scientific, philosophical, and intimate questions about what it means to both create-and nurture-a life. The Mother Code unravels how we've come to understand the institution of motherhood, offering a groundbreaking a new vision: a mother code that goes beyond our blood lines and genetics, and instead, pushes us to embrace inheritance as the legacy we want to leave behind for those we love"--